Look what God has done!

“Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am about to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” Habakkuk 1:5

My God is truly an amazing God. Tonight, I was a part of something that I have never experienced before, and something that I have always wanted to be a part of. I went to “The Gathering.” And it was absolutely amazing. Not because of good planning, or good music, or good speakers, but because God was present in that place. Just before leaving to go, I was on the verge of tears, feeling frustrated that I always seem to be on such an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I’m happy, the next I hate my life. And this is a daily occurrence. Today was just one of those days, and I just got tired of it. Well, I’m not really sure why I went tonight. I was just going because I could. I wasn’t really excited about it; I actually hadn’t thought about it much at all. Little did I know that God would really change me. Earlier today, I found myself asking God why. Why was I feeling so horrible? Why was he doing this to me? Why was I constantly doubting myself and looking down on myself, even after God picks me up…again and again. And one thing I realized tonight was that the problem is not with God, but with me. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. But me, I’m here today and gone tomorrow. I am tossed back and forth like a wave. My sadness, and for lack of a better word, “despair,” was not God’s fault, but my own. And it is indeed a sin. And my sin was separating me from the heart of God. So, if I want to get rid of this emotional roller coaster, something in me is going to have to change. I am going to have to come face to face with my sin, repent, and place it at the foot of the cross, where the judgment of God is satisfied. And tonight I did. God truly reached down and touched my heart, taking this heart of stone and making it his own, answering a prayer that I have been praying all week. And even the sadness was almost an answer to prayer. When I was feeling real good about myself, and I felt like I was finally making friends, I asked God to keep me from being content in having friends rather than being content in him. And obviously I haven’t been doing that, which is probably a big reason for the extreme emotional highs and lows. But God has opened my eyes to that, and I have laid that sin at his feet.
My eyes were also opened to the fact that I have not really been living my life for God. As much as I like to say it, I have not truly been seeking him with my whole heart. One thing that the speaker said tonight was that, so often, we are really seeking God’s will, rather than God himself. The only way that I will ever receive guidance about my life and the direction it should take is if I truly seek God, and seek to know him above all else. I was created for God, not for God’s will. Psalm 34:7 says “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” So often, people, myself included, have taken that verse to mean that God will just give us the desires of our heart: a boyfriend, or a certain job, or a car, or any number of things that we desire. Mind you, they may be good things. But we often forget the first part of that verse: “Delight yourself IN THE LORD.” When the Lord is my delight, he will also be my reward. The blessing of God is the knowledge of God himself. GOD IS THE BLESSING. If God is the desire of my heart, then he will surely give himself to me. And I don’t need anything else. If this truly becomes the condition of my heart, then I can say, as Paul does, that I will be content in every situation. No matter if everything is great, or if I am in danger of death, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).
I was also convicted about my attitude towards missions. Somehow, I had made it all about me. Where do I want to go, what people do I want to serve. But if the desire of my heart is to truly know God, and to receive him as my blessing, then he will be my motivation for missions. If he is my one true desire, then my motivation for missions will be to make his gospel famous among the nations. It should be all about making his name famous, whether its here at UNC, or at my house in Garner, or anywhere else in the US, or in another country. The location is irrelevant. It’s all about the Christ in me, and making his Glory and his name known, wherever I am.

None of these things are new concepts to me; I’ve heard them all before. But tonight, something was different. They started the night off with a time of silence, for us just to listen to God. And to be honest, I didn’t really hear anything during that time. But I have never felt more like God was speaking directly into my heart. In a way, the whole night, I was speechless. I was silent. God was the one doing all the speaking, and I was just absorbing it all like a sponge. And then I fell on my face before the Lord and confessed my sin to him. And he heard me from heaven and forgave my sin and healed my heart (2 Chron. 7:14).

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW. PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW. PRAISE HIM ABOVE, YE HEAVENLY HOST. PRASE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY GOST. AMEN.

LOOK WHAT HE HAS DONE!